ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
