Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
