you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
