he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
