She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
