dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
