Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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