FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
