I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
