Moan for me like Helen Keller
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
