So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
