She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
my phone needs a breathalizer
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
