My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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