i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
