tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
