I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
