and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
