WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
