I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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