He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
