She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
