never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
how do flat chested girls get laid?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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