Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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