Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
