...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
