its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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