Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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