Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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