you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
