From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
