Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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