Rock
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Fuck
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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