thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
