i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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