He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
