I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
