i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
