Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
