My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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