also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
