I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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