what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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