apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
