you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
