eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Four minutes until I can fart!
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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