i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
