All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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