Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
my being single is dangerous.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I would fuck him just for his dog
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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