Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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