my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
