marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
