Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
