If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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