I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
