I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
