omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
