I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
